I know what I want, I go all out for it. Nothing will stop me to get to my final goals in life. I know how I act, and I chose to act it that way because that's who I am. I know why I said certain stuffs, act a certain way, because I stay true to myself. I let my heart takes me where it wants to take me, I let my brain decides which path I should go, because I know I'm happier that way. I fight for my own future, because I never give up. Whether it is right or wrong, I know I will learn my lesson one way or another. If it's wrong, I just simply stand up, think and consider for a while, and I head the way my heart and brains tells me in that moment. I chose to live my life this way, because life is too short to keep worrying. And because I know I will always be happy deep down inside if I listen to myself. I will make mistakes, I will learn from it, I will create moments, and I will celebrate in that glory. Because truth being said, I know I am never going to deceive myself from every moment on, to live my life as I want it to be, to create the future that I wish it to be. Because it's important to never give up on my dreams. It may take a short while, it may take ages, but the dream will be kept alive because I want it to happen.
My heart tells me to stay, my brain told me to let go in the day, by nightfall, it told me to stay. My heart tells me my happiness lies within you despite all you have put me thru, my brain scolded me for being a fool, yet by nightfall, it's you that my brains always dream about. I wish for the time to see another invisible man beside me like how I saw an invisible you before we met. I told you before that you were faceless in my dreams by my side during the night ride, during the accident that we saw. I wish then, I wish time will tell me now that another invisible man was waiting for me. I wish i knew the truth for how everything started it out, but I know myself that I might not want to hear the truth. everything you said after that day, i never felt anymore sincerity or your real feelings. your sorry don't sound sincere, you don't sound like you are at all. your "happy" felt more like not the real happiness you once felt. I know what I want, and I said it often, I know I want you, much as how often I said it, I have too much guts and balls. I don't fault you for finding it a pest, I don't even fault you for having an affair behind my back, it happens because I gave that chance to you. Do I fault myself then? Somewhat. For giving the opportunity but never to find out the true meaning of happiness if I never learnt this lesson a hard way. Never to find out the true meaning to myself which is what is most important. I can go crazy, but I know that that's the future I want.
It's weird that I never did dreamt bout E before after we broke up, yet this was different. I hope it's just my heart telling and convincing my mind, but I also hope and wish that it will come true. Because there's nothing happier in life as compared to when you found love.
I love you still, always have, always will. Maybe with time, it will fade~ Maybe with time, fate will reveal the truth to me~
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