Ever since I've been back, the clock for my last lap in UOS has already started. But ever since I've been back, nothing went smoothly. Not the right kind of way that the fortune said it would for the year of sheep this year.
So clever me decided on the topic for my dissertation to be about wet market. Because I wanted to help you save the trouble of doing research, and writing up the proposal for which you can just use and sent in to spring singapore when you wanted to start up your own business. I know how much you dislike to do such things, and i was happy to do it for you.
Things changed, I lost my purpose for doing this dissertation. All I have been trying to do is fixed up my broken self. Hanging out late, with anyone and everyone I can find, until to the point I felt so bad to keep disturbing my friends because of my own selfishness. End up having to do my own me time instead. But the worst thing about me time is that because u are free to do whatever you want, you think a lot. Walking down and back memory lanes, trying to make new memories with other people over the same places we've been, seems to be doing a way much harder job, because it's just too hard to overwrite. seems easy, but in reality, it's not. the thoughts will always linger at the back.
totally lost the whole timeline for my dissertation. my gantt chart done up, none was followed. and now? with just 12 days left, am i really able to complete my dissertation? I wish I know. because until now, despite the panic mode is in, i still can't seem to be able to do it up. 10,000 words is not easy to write, and i'm still at my lit review. seems like i'm going to fail my uni afterall. worst of all, i don't even know whether have i fixed myself up at all. this year ain't going well for me, and i really wish my life just stop here and be given to another person who is more in need of the life than me. Because I am content that I have live until this far, but to continue, I really don't know what else can i face.
the ironic of this whole dissertation is that despite doing it for you, you broke me into pieces which led to every other single shit problems I have to face myself. and yet, the acknowledgement page, your name appears despite not helping much like you first promised me because I didn't want to disturb your life anymore since you didn't want me in it.
and because i know i still love you deep down inside me despite every single hurt you keep inflicting on me unknowingly. Because only true love will be able to inflict hurt onto one another. and because i'm stupid enough to wait still.
on a side note, karma stop serving me already, i have already fulfilled been hurt by a 3rd party already. I never wanted to be a 3rd party in eugene's r/s anyway, but that's just cause i'm playful to cause pain on myself. I learnt my lesson, could you just move on and serve your justice to other people.
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