anyway, here is our love story which led to the ending of break up. (lengthy post)
so we were actually classmates for last year, but we weren't close at all. it was because of bqc that lead us to be closer. he was asking gf to teach while i was learning from gf already. but part 2 of our project, i was doing that part, since gf doing part 1. so he learn from gf to me. after that, we started chatting and i realised i was having fun chatting with him. (at that time, i already broke up with eugene, but we just continue to be close despite him being in a r/s.) continue chatting with him, and introduced him to girl's generation run devil run. he started liking them. and i didn't know why he like that song until later on, i found out he likes the song because it was similar to the situation that he was in with his ex. but whatever it is, we just chatted about kpop. those times when you chat, you chat via MSN messenger. i still have our conversation from then. he was really funny. keep dying because he didn't do this part, that part, really absent-mindedness. but that was what made him adorable. and because of his absent-mindedness and kept making me laugh, i enjoyed talking to him, and i don't know that i started to fall for him. but then it was always my rule to myself to never date a classmate because if things come to a bad break, it will be very awkward. but despite it, i went ahead with myself.
because we were bored, we went out together during our school holidays. went to marine square to watch a chinese movie. (yes, if you know me, i don't watch chinese movie.) and after movie, he tested me about the movie! ha. and i was literally translating those chinese terms into english. and because of that, we had laughter. we went to flyers to eat popeyes, and walked over the DNA bridge. that was when MBS first started. went into mbs to explore, got lost, but end up manage to walk to raffles mrt, and he brought me to chinatown to drive me home. that's when i learnt that he was a good gentleman.
we went out a few times after that. to hougang stadium to help each other train for napfa, with his bag placed above mine, because of security reason. he travelled all the way to hougang to train with me, which was a plus point. went to hougang mall comic connection walk about and then we went separate ways home. i still remember he always put his hand on my back and push me and laugh at my timing.
the other time we went out was to Sentosa, because we wanted to suntan. apparently that day we went, there wasn't sun. but we still went ahead. he came to pick me up at vivo, and we drove in. apparently the entrance fee was cheaper than we took monorail in, and he was happy. carpark fee wasn't that bad. so we went to change and i was very self-conscious because of my flappy arms. then after sitting down the tent, we headed to the sea and played. he tried to drown me lots of times. which was why after that we went to queensway and eat curry chicken. (our internal joke). and he drove me home. but before that, we went to punggol park and sat in front of the pond and he tried to stare into the pond to look for fishes while i just sat there. chatted a bit. i still remember i asked so i'm not important. which he replied in the car, you are not not important. which i didn't get it at all. but after when he went home, we chatted on msn. the conversation went a bit out of the way. until i gave up too much and you manage to get it. and after that we got together.
the next day, we went out to tampines, walking ikea, courts and giant. you asked me why i like you. i told you cause you are funny. and ever since, every time you sent me home or at least try to send me home.
we stayed quiet from everyone but then you asked me to update my facebook status. i didn't wanted to, but after a few days, i did. little did i know that doing such little things can make you very happy.
1st year went by soon enough. i wasn't used to someone doing sweet gestures for me, because i know i don't deserve such attention. i'm not one that does sweet gestures, i don't do art well, that's why i prefer buying gifts. it may not be from me, but i thought it meant the same things. but after looking at everyone, i saw everyone doing sweet stuffs for their bf, so i thought i should give it a try. lots of things happened, if you are reading this, i have already written it down in the cards or past messages. i may not be one that is able to show my appreciation immediately, but every gestures that you did for me, i remember. i know you feel unappreciated, that's why partly our love died. i still remember that you cried in army, calling me, begging me not to go back to my ex, because i felt lonely when you are not there. i'm sorry that i did this to you. i'm sorry i wasn't strong enough. but no number of sorry has any effect on you now.
2nd year went by too, after some arguments. i know you wanted to go diving, that's why i sent you diving. i know you don't like me spending money on you, but i like to see the smile on your face. it makes it worth it to see how much you enjoy it, and to see that smile on your face. your kiddy action of happiness, it was worth it. i tried to improve to socialise with your friends and family. it wasn't all that bad. i still prefer to sit around and watch how you guys talk, the dynamics is something very different from what i always experienced, instead of a proper you have to do this and this, what i saw is something that i never experienced about family. likewise for your friends. you might feel stress cause i don't talk much, but i like to hear you guys talk. because it's funny. that's not my black face that you always assumed. i just preferred to listen. if and when i can, i will talk, but most of the times, you guys are always in your friendship bond. try looking from an outsider angle, did you see your friends' partner talk much? the guys talked because of army talk, but other than that, they didn't talk much too, but the girls, i was the only one because your pal's girl is already friends with your friends. it's not that i'm not sociable, but it's tough to break in the wall. but look back at the last few outings, since when did i not talk at all? so don't say that it's stress. cause i'm sorry to say this, but i personally feel and observed is that because you guys bonds are so strong, you tend to believe what they say over mine. because by then, my position in your heart already fell.
by 3rd year, our excitement fell, we slipped into comfort zone. i wanted to spice up, do things we have yet to try, but to you, it was costly. and because it's costly, we had to skipped the plan and end up doing our usual stuffs. i don't mind to be honest. cause to me, at least any time spend with you was much preferred than not spend with you since i was going away for 4 months. i know you begged me to not go, but i still insists on going because it's my dream to study oversea. if you are my bf, you would have supported my dream. i thought you did. but after what you said last week, you said if you were me, you wouldn't have gone if your gf ask you not to go. i guess you can look at it two ways, either i wasn't your true love, that's why you weren't supportive, or you believe dreams should not be reality but should value love over dream. i know i had your answers, and i hope it was closure enough for me. but i still can't forget you. and i know i semi-regret for going overseas because yes, love is very important, and you have ranked quite high in my heart. but the other half i don't regret because i found myself back. the part of me that you hate, i lost it, the part of me that you initially fall for, i found it back. but i wasn't give the opportunity to show you. i know you hate me now despite not knowing the reason, just that you don't wish to see me anymore. what i tell myself is because you are unsure of yourself, because you want to move on, to have the independence that you want, or because you have surrounded yourself with singles, that's why you end up preferring single life.or because you found another girl, and you refuse to tell me just like how you used to refuse to tell your ex.
to Nicholas, thanks for being there for me. i know you said we didn't go thru much thick and thin, but we did. maybe it's not much to you, but at least i got to see the many sides of you. watching you grow up from how you were during poly days to how you are now, it's very different. there's lots of things i want to tell you and i would say it to you thru whatsapp. i know you won't reply me, but i still want to tell you. the reason why you felt bored in our relationship is because i changed to someone i didn't know who i was. it's my fault. but personally, everyone deserved a 2nd chance. the reason why you don't want to give it to me is because you said you had no feelings. but feelings can be re-created, but you don't wish. because to you, you only saw my negative sides, you blocked away any positive sides that i have, maybe that's where you have yet to grow up yet. I know there's other reasons, but since you want to tell me those, then i can only take those reasons. things could have been different if we didn't end so early, but such things i wish you can say you can't control, but apparently you did. I know what i am doing now, is what you didn't like when your ex did the same thing, so apparently you have such an effect on women. but regardless, please don't be influenced by your friends. you have to think for yourself, cause you are who you are. your friends can only be there to support your actions, not to influence your actions. i know you will say you this type where got girls like, yes they will. when they discovered who you really are, like how i discovered who you are in the beginning and still discovering. Girls will only see your good sides when they are long enough with you, just like how i did when i was with you. if the girl really likes you, she will be supportive and maybe won't complained so much like the old me.
Nicholas, I love you then, I love you still, I will love you always because you were a part of me. <3 br="" nbsp="">
