Live.Love.Laugh.Eat.Play.

K, today again went to skool for a retarded 2 hrs... seriously didnt wake up until 8am... but then again, i was always wake up by him... haix... seriously missing him... but now i know u read the last post, i oso confirm e fact tat u hated me as ur galfriend... haix... crying again... shit... woke up late... left only half-an-hour to prepare... but then again, last lesson for comt... so purposely late... really wished tat u can again wake me up... but guess tat not possible... cause u hate me... so went to skool as usual.... took 156 frm tat day on... at least hoped tat can see u take 159... but nope, didnt see u... haix... sat my usual place... bus came late... left at 9... shit... only 1hr left to reach skool... haack care... i already dont wish to go to skool at all... but sat the usual place in the bus... the left corner... curl myself up and kept listenin to tat 姐姐妹妹站起来 - 陶晶莹... lyric and the tune some how make me think of u... lyric was so sad and a bit cheerful while the tune was so rock and low... keep feelin the urge to cry on the bus... but ppl will think i crazy... but then again, i cry cause i love u too deep... "i love u" may be jux words to u, but they are feelings for me... tat y i dont day them often enough... haix... 156 pass by my old hse at serangoon... i used to stay oppsite the stadium... love tat place lots... mayb we should moved back there... pass by the kiddengarden i attended for 1 year... thinkin back wad kind of child i was... i rmb i hated tat cher, so i drew on the tables until the cher ask me to stay back and clean the tables all clean... then on another occiasion, pull some other gals hair until she cried... but tat cause we were challenging with one another... but other then those incidents, i was well-loved by everyone... a very talkative person i was... i still do in sec b4 i enter poly... haix... i really miss those times when i really have a friend to comfort me 24/7 when i'm down... but i dont have anyone now... or at least not in my poly class... mayb we arent as close as i thot we were... have fun together but i still somehow felt left out... passing by kiddengarden, headed to bishan... the reason i didnt seat on the rite side when going there, cause i dont wan to see AMK... i will again think of u... but then again, i have been thinkin of u all the while... i'm serious... but u hate me now, so no point to tell u... pass by guides association... miss the time i'm in guides... love those camps... and exspecially last last year sec 1 camp... got to pair up with u to teach those sec 1 songs... those happy moments... but i dont suppose u rmb... haix... nvm... then alight at mac reservior... again, miss tat place... pri and sec skool always have events there... like cross-country... but then, running was my favourite... jux tat i dont bother to develop my tat area of interest... cause i will again be reminded of u... used to always challenge u against runnin, but i nv get to win u... unless i cheated... haix... took 74... the stupid bus came when i wanted to be late for class... if not, i will normally wait for a very long time b4 either 74 or 52 come... no jams... haix... so was early for class... but i guess i was lucky to be in clementi... cause nth bout u & me happened there... but then again, i always wished tat u can dropped by my skool to see u... but as always u didnt... or even i wished tat u can wait for me at my blk downstairs... so we can pon lessons for tat day alone to spend time with each other... but then again, u so guai, wont even pon... haix... jux really wish u can be where i can see u... but u dont even bother to msg me for a meet, so i guess u hate me alot... haix... life will seriously nv be the same again... or do i even wan it to be the same??? yes, i wan it to be the same... if u were to ask me if will accept u again, i will still say yes... cause i felt for tat moments, i was really loved... not tat my parents dont, but they seldom care bout me, cause they only wan me to study... Y??? i dont wan to study... i'm jux not the study type... i love experience new things... but, guess they dont noe... tat y i felt so loved tat moments with u... so as usual, went to class... was freakin early... so went down to ventin machine to buy tibits... cause i dont even feel like eating these days... i would rather die of any cause then to live... and the class outside was facing carpark... low fence, felt like jumpin... but too many ppl... i wan to die, but dont wan ppl to see or find me... at least they wont investigate wad the cause of my death... then this way, u wont be blame... but guess, tat foolish of me... y do i even care for u, if i die??? cause i dont wan u to be blame... but the causes of death are always for love, money, pride, jealousy, "accidental" and so on... nv one is on stress... the top most for death is money and love... so the investigation will very fast end with u been the cause... so i would rather die somewhere else... no one to find me... no one to sense me... y m i keep talking bout death??? do i not fear of it??? nope... i would rather the doc tell me now tat i'm sufferin frm cancer or heart attack or wadeva, so i can die early... it's meaningless to live without u... haix... yina will then scold me foolish, but then again, wad love for everyone??? enter class as if i'm pinicin during class... then was at least pushin u off my mind... but cause that grp presented on teenage dating and damn them for makin me think of u... grrrrrr....... so eating, listenin, thinkin, waitin... eatin away the pain, listenin to their presentation, thinkin of u, waitin for u to msg me... thinkin of makin a party for ur b'day... but then again, wad attention should u even bother bout me... haix... i'm jux crying non-stop... nv felt so hurt... nv felt so feel lyk dying... seriously dont know wad got into me... then moved on all the presentations... even alex attention starter didnt even make me laugh... everyone was laughin, but i didnt... i seriously lost my emotions like wad u say... haix... all i noe now is crying... even photo takin with my grp mates, i may have smile, but can u even see the pain tat was behind my eyes... i dont think so...