no matter what kind of past we have, it helps us to shape into who we are today. different people been mold differently - some have to experience it, some just have to hear about it.
i'm really glad that i went overseas now. because it really open up my eyes. allowing me to be more open, more adaptable in any situations that calls for it. bring on the family gathering, the friends gathering, i'm no longer just sitting down there and listen to the jokes, but talking about a fair bit with everyone. after all, more friends are better than foes. and with what future career I hope to have, I'm really glad that I found all these in me. only thing I still find very very uncomfortable is looking and purchasing luxury brands. why that happens, I really don't know. Maybe I'm really not a girl.
New friends? no prob. keeping up with old friendships and polishing back to how it was once? checked. Because in me, I was more independent before I changed. I still blame myself for not noticing how much I have changed to become so relying on you when I am never the sticky type as I once said. Can't accept how the world from revolving around me, to become revolving around you instead. Can't change the fact that I didn't realized it sooner than later, maybe then I could have save myself from falling so badly like how I did when it happened close to 2 months back, which I think I still can't believe 2 months have passed. How easy it was for you to find another girl while I still have to look.
Despite learning more about the truth as time goes by, i still can't find it in me to hate you. because there ain't any point in hating you. Friends being friends, saying many bad stuffs about "how can you forgive him since he treated you this way?", yet I can still defend for you and tell them back not to say such stuffs about you. Ironic, isn't it? you can avoid me all you want, cause if you did nothing wrong, why bother to hide? why bother to lie to my face, why bother to keep everything a secret when to you, our r/s already ended way back then? maybe it's time you face the truth and not avoid it anymore, unless there's more than meets the eyes, more than what you are willing to accept. I can only think that you are avoiding me because you still think i'm emotionally unstable and will disturb u, but all i see you now is just as a friend or even a stranger whom I know your character and personality well enough. They say clever people ignore, but the actual fact is clever people just remember it and use it against you when time is right.
Despite learning more and more, it just gives me more and more lessons that I learnt in life. Lessons about love, fate, will power, preservance, determination, mind control, trust, guys, and even about life. I learnt how to make myself more difficult to read, no more the easy to read book, no more predictable moves.
People said I've grown up, but have I really? Or am I still making my strong front a little thicker to protect the shattered me now. I think I did. Because of all these happenings, it makes me realized how such things are lined up when we are born, to make us grow up, be a little bit wiser, be a little bit more mature, to make us who we are today. Because I believe that the end of the day, god (regardless of whatever religion you are), have already decided your fate for you. You can still change it, because there's gaps and spaces for you to make your changes, and that is when you have the will, you have the way to fight for it.
Because the world need more love, and spreading forgiveness will make the world a slightly better place to live in.
To Nicholas: I guess I never did tell you why I returned you the necklace. It's because I believe the two necklaces deserves to be together despite us not being together anymore, along with the memories that we once had. and that is, if I can still trust your words that you kept them away into our memory box. But should you one day ever decided that our memories should be reality again, wear the necklaces and find me, for I will always be there for you when you need me. Because I forgive you for your mistake even if you think it's not a mistake, but it already eaten into your guilt.
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