簡簡單單

so much changes, so much happenings, one after another, just slowly changing me. who am i, i asked myself this question way too often. what am i going to do with my life? just give me a job, it will take my mind off lots of problems that I am not ready (or am I?) to face. lack the experience, i will slowly learn the ropes if only you give me the opportunity. but if the opportunity is not present, how am i suppose to learn? everyone giving me advices, taking in their advices, editing with their advices, but nothing is working. it has come to a point that i really give up because my patience is gone, my luck wasn't even around in the first place, what else can happen? well, lots of other negative stuffs can happen. i'm just waiting for the day where i end up like in my dream - been banged by a car. hopefully soon. too much of a good thing, resulted in me being in this state. someone either been cursing me behind my back for this whole year or i just used up too much of my good luck for this lifetime and it hasn't been replenished or karma or this is just life - the down side of my life that is.
been reading too much novels to kill time. reading too much about fortune telling - from date of birth to horoscope to face reading to palm reading to tarot cards to elements of the earth to anything and everything related to fortune telling. I know i'm down on luck, and i want to change it. because the wheel of fortune don't just stop, it turns. what goes around, comes back around.
one of the good thing about being this down, i really learnt how to appreciate every single thing. regardless of whatever bad stuffs thrown in my face, there's always a good side of how i view it. i don't think i ever try to be positive as much as now thou. hmm. another thing is so what if it's bad? just let it be it. i'm sure there's something i need to see from this. treat it like a learning experience. everyone got to be at ground zero sometimes. i know i am at ground zero. but hey, u know what? i don't care. because i'm glad i have all my friends, my family members beside me to cheer or help me at ground zero. it would have been better that my partner is with me, but then sometimes u can't force things. so be it. i can only keep the hope, keep the faith, believe that things will turn for the better. but whatever it is thrown in my face, i know i will grow out of it, and become stronger from it. like how i am now. the changes that i have grown into, the differences in me now and differences in me then is quite big, but in me, i am still the fun, childish kid that will always be rebellious, stubborn. the goofy me. and i like that about myself. because if i don't goofy around, i can't make things interesting. and i can't be the joke of my friends. most importantly is always laugh. always have fun. that's is what is important. because laughters can keep u accompany thru the dark times, and make u enjoy the happy time even more. going thru dark times? i can be ur listening ear. i might not give very good advices, but i can be ur wall where u talk it out. u need someone to side u? no prob. but i will tell u the truth at the same time if u are in the wrong. that's what friends are for. i wonder is this the differences that my friends sees in me. they tell me i changed for the better, is this the change? if it is, i will gladly improve myself even more. because i want to be better. i want to be a better person, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better wife and so on. because i know i ain't a very good person in the past, i made too much mistakes, but i know it's never too late to change. and i hope i continue to change for the better and to remain as easy-going, open minded as usual. change to be a simpler person. no complications cause life is just full of it.