finding back the old me - reconnections

so it seems i shouldn't just keep blogging about a person who can cheat behind my back despite the trust given to him or so i assumed due to the other party not wanting to tell me his side of the story other than him telling me that he want to try something new. cause love isn't a game for you to play.
anyway, for every bad stuffs, there's good things that came out of it. my weight went down drastically which shocks a lot of people because it's unhealthy way by only eating 1 meal a day every single day.
another good thing - i reconnected back with all my friends. and they helped me to get thru this period. even friends i thought i lost, i managed to get them back because friendships meant more to me than what i once took for granted. because it shouldn't have lost myself when i was in the r/s and end up having to make him more important than anything else. and because of that, the price i paid when this all came crashing down, it's too dear to me. because i lost the balance that i was suppose to have. but i am glad that i found it all back. and that i'm happier with myself than i was before and also that i appreciate every single thing in my life for nothing comes easy and without a price to pay.
Love all my girls who are always there for me despite me not making the effort to communicate with them much when i lost myself. I don't think I will be able to make it thru so peacefully without them. Because me being me, i get fire up easily, but i have learnt to wait to play the game. whatever for trying to reveal my cards all at once, because forgiving requires a bigger heart than to avoid u like what he's doing because only cowards run away from their past. but a real person stands up for their mistakes and their past that they have.
but the sad thing is that i end up keep wanting to vomit for no reason. every morning, every night and occasionally during the day. the morning sickness is getting worst. Cause the more i learnt about you two, the more hurt i felt from you. even if I have the child, I would rather the child not have a father like you with you cheating behind my back and not realizing your mistake.