to be honest, i wasnt expecting to be fully impacted at all... :X not cause i'm heartless, but cause i thot i was prepared already... boy oh boy, was i in for a surprise... *faints*
& until 2day, i still can rmb it so clearly... haix... wad a pain...
nite b4, nichkie couldnt sleep, called a few times or rather twice to be exact... tried to convince him & it seems tat he got convinced enough tat he went to sleep (i hope), & i went off to sleep... woke up super early... started feeling butterflies in my tummy... thot was me havin tummyache, but nooo... it was really butterflies... it's worst than e first time i go up on stage man... *faints*
then after mornin routine, went out & waited for bus... tink e bus purposely wan to play trick on me... dun wan to come!!! so many 27 cames & opposite 89 came a few times... jiu myself de nv come... then nichkie said he reachin le, so i flagged cab & went... best is ppl oso fight cab wif me... *faints* then nvm, waited for a while, cab came... then told uncle to go at full speed & it's really damn fast... :X uncle tried to clam me down but apparently it fail? but still, at least it was e very min of wad i felt as compared to wad comes up next... reached white sands, ran all e way to e bus interchange... lucky uncle told me where e shuttle bus is, so i ran there... managed to see him even wif e q so long... :X
then went to q... q damn slow... nv move at all... later did i noe tat i should have treasure tat long q... :X anyway, waited for quite long, then board e bus... reached tat ferry terminal tat time, enlistees have to tuck in their shirt... really damn old fashion... -.- sitted down while they went to e loo... then nichkie's mum & aunty came back & sit down b4 nichkie came back wif tucked in shirt... :X sat there for quite sumtime cause they said to prevent anybody frm havin seasick... :X went to take e ferry... until tis time, i was still feelin nth... i was lyk army, okay... 2 weeks only... pass very fast de... no kick... boy oh boy, wrong again man... :X
reached tekong... kinda of 1st time goin there? didnt noe wad to expect... whereas on e other hand, nic's mum & aunty knew wad was to come along... reached there, he had to go up to e hall or sumtin to get their stuffs and all tat, whereas we went for e tour... make a few jokes bout nic's aunty de daughter if she were to come, she would have ta bao the free stuffs there... but at e same time, tat's when reality slowly enters in... because nic is no longer by my side, then u can start to feel e emptiness all of a sudden... went on e "tour" to see wad stuffs they would be gettin, saw a water parade, went to see e bunks, e relaxation room, then back to a hall where e enlistees were actually waitin there... went into e room, damn, it hit round one... tried to spot nic frm e grp of botaks, thou it's suppose to be easy, it still took sum time... :X nic's mum saw him, said he's over there, then u realise tat guy sittin too outside liao & shirt too bright liao, then u realise tat is nic over there... haix... in e midst of all e bald heads ard, we had to go all e way to e back & sit...
then waited for e ting to start... once it reach e schedule tat they have daily, mini hit tis time ard... *bang* then hit e dates tat we're suppose to rmb, hit once more... *bang bang* 8 oct leh, very far away leh...
rank no. 2nd biggest hit for tat day, the sayin of e oath tat time... *BANG!* tat's when reality already enter full blast... really really controllin all e way le... furthermore, i'm sittin between his aunty & his mum, i cant show my weak side... so i controlled... thou i tried to hear for his nric & his name in e oath, i couldnt hear... :X then they went off first... didnt noe they went off first cause they had to wait downstairs for us to pick them up... his aunty & mum summore said slowly la... wait for e others to go down first... but sry ar, i kinda of rush out lyk sum kiasu aunty... :X then went down wif them, his mum told me to go ahead & pick him up first... but didnt noe tat he got to wait for all of them to walk past first then he can go off... went off for their in hse lunch...
by tat time, e throat was already damn thick i tell u... controllin to my very best already, i didnt shed a tear... cause u cant show ur weak side to him now, u got to control & show him tat u can do it, so can he... u got to bear wif e pain & sufferin jux so he wont worry bout u when he entered... so no choice, bear wif it... tat was one of e worst lunch i had... (e others being eatin wif big bosses la... :X) got to bear so much, & eat e lunch... stuffin it down all e way... then when returnin tray tat time, bang once more... leak a few tears, but wipe away b4 he saw me... then took bag, & he went off first, leaked even more... wipe away...
then when fall in tat time, K.O... i die flat... cannot control le... start leakin damn badly... pretend tat nth went on, took out camera & took photos... followed him frm one side of e cook's hse to e other side... i tink lucky his mum & aunty didnt see me cry, if not... haix... started leakin very badly... then their officer or sgt or whoeva tat's in charge told them to march off, he still can say my shirt nv cover up properly... -.- but i doubt he saw my tears... i hope not... walk off tat time, he kept turnin back... kept starin at him & wavin goodbye... tat time, my heart really felt empty & hollow once more... not cause of heart break, but it's lyk i left my heart wif him, & i'm not goin to see it until he returns... for 2 weeks...
he kept turnin back... then his mum commented thou it was dim to my ears cause i was focusin in front, she said how come as a mother, he nv worry bout her, but only worry bout me... jokingly of course... thou i said he did just tat nv show only, i was still starin at e front... then he walk away le... then his aunty was sayin he cannot go on worryin bout all these, when he should worry bout himself first... walked to e other end of e cook's hse tat time, they turned in time, & for a few mins later, then saw him... thot i saw his eyes watery, but he say didnt... so nvm... tat time, wa, srzly, cannot control anymore, leak, wipe, leak, wipe, same process all e way until he cannot be seen & nv turn back anymore... then walk off... his aunty & mum ask me to convince him to tink all bout army & nth else... & ask him to go socialize more... to make more friends, instead of keep stickin to e same grp of friends... cause guys need to have bigger social circles... tried to help him to cover up, but still fail... they keep sayin only i can convince him tat... haix...
then went back to ferry terminal, tekong side, waited for his mum & aunty to come back frm e loo tat time, cannot control again... jux end up wipin & wipin & wipin... then again, pretend nth goin on... then sit e ferry tat time, his mum was talkin to me, & sayin & askin whether i seem him mad & got raise his voice tat type of qn, then i said not really, she start tellin me say he very old fashion, say ppl our age should dress up & reveal wadeva we have, while tat lkk nichkie cannot accept tings lyk tat... then say if he raise his temper, will because of tis tis tis, or tat tat tat... those kind of ting... srzly, tat time i was listenin & jux pretendin he's still by my side... then reach white sands there, they went to buy tings, i went home first... waitin for bus tat time, *RED ALERT!* full blast liao... then tried to control back... okay for a while... worst was when i was tryin hard not to tink, tis guy of all seats, had to sit beside me... so nvm... then keep sittin near & nearer... really wan to box liao... then his leg keep rubbin & rubbin against my leg... then i wonder back is it e same guy as tat time tat 156 tat uncle sia... looked, but diff leh... so nvm... i put my legs inside, while maintainin my seat, his legs can find my legs de wor... then i end up tinkin wad would nic have done in such cases, & i was leakin again... -.- b4 alightin, i stepped on his legs hard, then out of e bus... :X
reached home, gave ah ma her lunch, went to e room & full blast liao... i jux cried all e way... tweeted out my unhappiness, but it didnt help still... so i jux cried... my throat was so thick, i jux cried & cried... ah ma ask how was it, i jux cried... haix... hopeless sia... tat nite when i meetin june they all for celebration, thot it can help to forget a bit... then hearin june, irene, chris, pris, regine, florence, listenin to them tellin me bout how it was for them, i kinda of put down a boulder frm my load i'm carryin... almost wanted to cry again, but tis time, it was bearable... after tat went home... nic's mum called to ask how come nic nv call back yet... told her he oso haven call me, but forgot to tell her tat he already sms me... i jux didnt tink of it... she said to expect his call at 9plus, but he didnt call until 1 min b4 he lights out... :( didnt chat much tat day, jux let him get his rest since he already started his trainin liao...
1st two days was very very unbearable... by now, i tink i more or less already controlled already... thou i miss him very much, but he's there doin tings tat a man is suppose to do... yes i had extreme crazy thots lyk suddenly enrollin in NS... yes, i mux be crazy... cause one of my classmates said his company was e worst, i was lyk *faints* then startin tinkin until tat direction... mayb i should join e army... at least i wont suffer so much... but srzly, army, everyone tinks tat e guy suffer, but y nobody tink bout their gf??? 1st 2 days was unbearable, anyting i see, i link back to nic... 1st day mornin, he msg... replied him 20mins late, so means he should be out for mornin exercise liao, replied liao, cant sleep anymore... went to e balcony & sat there & cried my heart out... then came back & lie down, till i finally slept... now & then, when sumting went close to e max, i leaked a few tears here & there... now, my phone is my life & death... any call, any sms, immediately checked & answered... thou it was already my life & death le la... :X
& today, i finally accepted his promise... being wearin e ring everyday, & ah ma start scoldin liao... say wad's wrong wif me to wear tat ring... i said i prefer tis type of ring, but she scold me for wearin on e wrong finger but i still refuse to change... wearin every min & wishin for 2 weeks to pass quickly... anyway, i jux hope he go thru & bear wif everyting... & palli palli for 2 weeks to pass quickly... & hurry for next week to come... at least then i'll be occupy wif tings to do...
our last photo for 2 weeks... :X
nichkie, bear wif it okay... i already accepted e promise, so u got to do ur part too... i'll wait & tat i promised... i already rejected temptation, so can u... jux do ur best & take care urself... there aint a need to worry bout me... jux get thru everyting ba... first change, 2 weeks... then 4 mths passes along quickly... i'm prayin for u tat ur vocation wont get those bad one... jux those normal de will do... i dun wan u to get into those 2 weeks come back one time or those wif 7 days field camp de... jux do ur best will do... e rest leave it to fate ba...
i miss u very much... jux take care of urself more impt... love u lots... cause u already got my heart there wif u... <3
oh, & i already said finish noodles already, y arent u back yet??? :(
& i wan to tank fiona, merilyn, yan jun, alicia, ivy, elicia, pris, june, regine, chris, irene, florence, shu wen, kia fu & i suppose i should not be sayin tis, but yeah, eugene too... tanks for being there when i was so down wifout nic by my side... love you guys lots... ♥
