Broken-Hearted Girl

lesson 1 learnt from long distance relationship: time difference makes the couple very hard to communicate with one another, leading to many argument. 

lesson 2 learnt from long distance relationship: communicate is best done in the format of verbal speaking than Whatsapp. it will results to break up.

lesson 3 learnt from long distance relationship: guy (nic) never like gifts to be thrown on him even thou it is a present for our anniversary. 

lesson 4 learnt from long distance relationship: you treasure the time you spend with each other physically than virtually. 

lesson 5 learnt from long distance relationship: cause of gifts given to him, he insists on paying back, leading to arguments. over SMALL MATTER!

lesson 6 learnt from long distance relationship: the time difference and distance causes the other party not able to show concern to you. because he don't care as much as he does when you are at home!

there's all that needed to be said. I don't know whether to hold on or to let go. 

lonely

i don't know why, but i'm feeling very lonely all of a sudden. it's not that i don't have friends here or what, but i just felt like i'm missing out of a lot of things by my side. i miss hugging onto something cause here doesn't have bolster such a thing. i wish i had brought along my penguin pillow pet. i wish i brought along my Eeyore. i wish i brought along my tv pillow. i wish i brought along my bf. due to the time difference, i can't chat much with anyone, let alone my family and bf. on top of that, my bf don't seems to care about me any much better than i was in sg. in fact, it seems to have gone worst. i really feel the heartache nowadays. the communication gotten worst to such an extent that i really don't know that are we even talking at all. i tell him stuffs and he doesn't even read all of my messages. i told him i'm feeling lonely, and he doesn't even say anything to me about it. it really makes me feel that why should i bother to fight so much for this relationship when i'm the only one putting in effort. is he even supporting me through my decisions just like how i support his. i have been fighting it such he gave up on us, all the way from sg until here. i'm really tired already. i just wanted a guy to love me for who i am, to be there for me when i need him. i think as i age with time, i just want a guy who has the right words for me when i needed to hear him say it to me. just like moments like this. people coming here to "play" and have fun even thought they have bf, but yet here i am, behaving myself in ways i don't even find it's me. people come here to have a fling, but i can't. cause i know i have a bf back home, but not one who can be there for me when i need him. not even in the sense of words. i really don't know what to do anymore. the weather here is getting colder, as my moods gets gloomier along with it.

stirling, scotland

it's been a while since i blog here. so now that i'm here blogging, it seems time have passed so fast cause i'm actually here in scotland already. yup, i'm here for a semester. and it's already been a week here. semi used to the life here, cause it's really relax, really slow, after 6pm, u have nothing to do but to cook dinner, chat n do your own work. i suppose it's a bit like how it is in singapore for me. but the distance apart from your family and friends will make you think differently from how you always regard singapore. i'm fine with no chilli and all that, cause afterall, i am the one doing the cooking since the other 3 people don't know how to cook. and i have been spending lots of money on grocery shopping and that is very bad. damn. but the fact that i came here to write is not cause of all this, but as per usual, my relationship prob. i know i have been taking to this platform about my r/s prob, and i don't wish for it. but i need somewhere to write what i feel and hopefully, somewhere n doesn't see. it's not that i dont want him to see, since he do know about this blog, but he forgot about it. oh well, he can see if he wants. i'm not stopping anybody. it's been a bad week all ard. i was attacked by an ex-colleague even thou i never say anything of that matters, but still, it's affecting me cause i don't like to be attack when i can't defend myself. n is just asking me to forget when he should know how it affects me. nevermind that. but the fact that i am been accused by him himself of other matters just makes the feeling really damn bad. i always thought of me going overseas is kind of like a test for our r/s. it's not that i want to test anything to make it weak, but it is in fact a test while i'm here, miles away from him, and him being in singapore. both of us single physically, just mentally attached. i always thought telling the truth is always good for a r/s, no matter how hurting it might be. but it's the truth, cause i never lie to my loved ones. but i have just been accused of that. he said i was lying to him. the fact that we didnt even talk much to each other already upsets me, but yet when we speaks, it hurts to have him so cold towards me. i didn't think that our r/s is so weak to this extend to be honest. i always thought of it been average. yes, not very strong cause we never solve those probs, but also not so weak that everything stuffs happened, it just makes me feel like giving up this r/s. it seems like everytime i'm the one putting in the effort, while he did nothing. i have been here only a week and we already argue twice. i really cannot imagine how it would be like for the remaining days. i wish i know what to do, but i feel so helpless in solving anything. me being so far away, and him not even showing much care and concern for me, not showing me love when i'm so far away. seriously, it just makes me feel like giving up. i really don't wish to bother anymore if his treatment to me continues to be like this. everytime i want to talk to him, he is just never there for me anymore. what should i do?

What is technology when you don't have the sincerity to communicate?

By my title, u can tell. Concurrently, I'm still stuck on this little red dot while my bf is enjoying his life at Korea. And because he is busy enjoying his life there, I know he forgets his promise of communicating with me. Really, what's the point of technology when you have the technology but can't be bother to communicate? Should I do this to u too? When I'm so tired and wants to sleep but I can't cause I got to wait for u to communicate with me. Already forced myself awake twice already. I know by now, you should be in the hostel already, cause it's 1.50 or close to 2am there already. But apparently I'm not impt. That's y u don't even bother to talk to me. I'm just that upset with u. Apparently, the longer u r in a r/s, the less u want to talk. Fine. So be it. Don't blame me when I run away with another guy because he's giving me his attentions while u don't want to cause u're just too busy for me. The more I look, the more it seems we won't last long anymore. Who was there when I needed the attention? Not u anymore. Now I really don't feel lyk picking u up from the airport anymore. U can find ur way home urself. Who to say u won't have ur family member to pick u up. Haix. I should just go n sleep n not wait for ur msgs anymore.

what i wanted to do, but yet not given the chance to do it.

movies that i want to watch: man of steel, white house down and a few more. but what happened? end up i couldn't watch unless i decide to watch it by myself. how depressing right? all thanks to my so-called bf who ends up watching with his pals who are more important than his gf. oh well, i'm leading an even more depressing life than before.

That's my obsession

so i'm back to rant once more. i really hope to blame it on the aftermath of the medication, but i know it's me. so the feeling is back once more, if not i won't be taking it over here. will i? what feelings am i talking about? the distance feeling. yes, the curse seems to be in effect, but u don't care. in fact, you didn't even care about my feelings, my thoughts, my worries. you just brush it off as me over-thinking, really, how is all this over-thinking? what happened to being honest in all relationship? apparently, this policy doesn't work at all. seriously, i gave you your space, u end up not even bothering about me. fine, i was over that phase, i can be independent. i can just stay at home and rot all day, it's okay, i'm used to it already. yet, even i told u about all my worries, u hack it aside. told you i don't like you to be near her, yet you continue. when she was with her bf, yes, i had my doubts, but not that bad. but when i starts to learn her bf don't even hang out with you guys, i told u to stay away. did you? no, you didn't. why? "she's my best friend from pri sch, when in trouble, of course will help." sure. i can only tolerate until certain amount. but from that night, it was already way over. but did you even listen?
nowadays with the "curse" in place, all one by one end up breaking up, you are not worry about yourself being the next even when people curse you. and because she now has free time, apparently, you guys just spend so much time together. what happened to your gf? doesn't she have free time? isn't she flying off for a long period of time? you don't seems to care about her. your immediate concern is all about how busy your days are filled and packed with. you don't even bother to spending time with your gf. when ystd, sending me home that time, your friends called you to go supper, you seems to be in more rush to go find them than to chat with me even with your pretense in face. seriously, what did you expect me to do?
just ask any girl, most of them will tell you they can't stand their bf having a close bff that is a girl. which girl like to share her time with another girl? most will say none, they can't stand it. already many told me i was very lenient to be able to tolerate so long, but i'm sorry, i can't tolerate no more. i don't wish to come down to this - but it's either she goes or i go.

Personality Quizes

What is your True Fear?

Your Result: Being Alone

While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.

Losing Someone

Disappointment

Looked down on

Where Your life is Going

Commitment

Death

What is your True Fear?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How Should You Cheer Up?

Your Result: Hang Out

Go hang out with someone, or tag along. It sounds like you need some human company.

Pets

A Walk

Movies

Daydreaming

Cheap Fun

Literature

Draw

Caffeine

How Should You Cheer Up?

================================================================================================================================

Does He Like Me?

Your Result: he likes you

he sorta likes you, but doesnt really want anyone to know. he still thinks he needs to get to know you a little more, but really wants to. go after him... and anything can happen! enjoy.

he crushes over you... =)

He Loves You GIRL!!

He is in Head Over Heals MAD Love for YOU!

he thinks your a total DOPE

Does He Like Me?

31 months

so it seems today became yet another normal day when it's suppose to be the 22nd. i suppose it should be okay, seeing that it's 31 months. this is what happens when you are in a stable relationship. looks like boring town settle in once more. maybe that's why i'm feeling sentimental. and maybe another reason why was that i know that nothing is going to happen today because of our switched personalities. oh well, forget it. having no expectation at all is best, lest you end up feeling disappointed. but a girl can hope, can't she? it's just human nature. oh forget it. shall study, i lost my mood already. for 2 days straight. thanks.