lonely

i don't know why, but i'm feeling very lonely all of a sudden. it's not that i don't have friends here or what, but i just felt like i'm missing out of a lot of things by my side. i miss hugging onto something cause here doesn't have bolster such a thing. i wish i had brought along my penguin pillow pet. i wish i brought along my Eeyore. i wish i brought along my tv pillow. i wish i brought along my bf. due to the time difference, i can't chat much with anyone, let alone my family and bf. on top of that, my bf don't seems to care about me any much better than i was in sg. in fact, it seems to have gone worst. i really feel the heartache nowadays. the communication gotten worst to such an extent that i really don't know that are we even talking at all. i tell him stuffs and he doesn't even read all of my messages. i told him i'm feeling lonely, and he doesn't even say anything to me about it. it really makes me feel that why should i bother to fight so much for this relationship when i'm the only one putting in effort. is he even supporting me through my decisions just like how i support his. i have been fighting it such he gave up on us, all the way from sg until here. i'm really tired already. i just wanted a guy to love me for who i am, to be there for me when i need him. i think as i age with time, i just want a guy who has the right words for me when i needed to hear him say it to me. just like moments like this. people coming here to "play" and have fun even thought they have bf, but yet here i am, behaving myself in ways i don't even find it's me. people come here to have a fling, but i can't. cause i know i have a bf back home, but not one who can be there for me when i need him. not even in the sense of words. i really don't know what to do anymore. the weather here is getting colder, as my moods gets gloomier along with it.