looks like i have been taking to blog so much recently. i'm just so much in a mix feelings that i don't know what to do. part of my reasons of why i do not have any focus studying. in fact, i didn't even study at all. at least it feels like i did, with absolutely nothing in my head. just bloody brilliant.
to be honest, i starting to see how much you don't understand me. nothing seems to show u understand me. everyday form of communication is just for form. gestures beginning to fade off as time wash up on us. is it even us still? now been the critical period i really don't want to breakdown but it seems inevitable. too angry, too hurt everytime this happens. i don't wish to throw shit at your friends but it seems my feelings for them are getting worst. i don't wish to comment anymore lest the backslash gets back to me. maybe cause as people changes you either learn to accept them as it is if not just refuse to. i don't know how to continue liking them. seems like you took over my traits and personality and i took over yours. what happened to your rule of hating to club and much less your other half? how did it get on me instead? i guess this just happens to couples when you are with each other for too long. somewhat like what family does.
i thought i learnt from beyonce that the rule for guys is never to pressure them or talk them into anything related to the both of you. just like what everyone says - let nature take its course. maybe i didn't learn it properly, cause the more time spend, i don't feel you are into us anymore. you said you don't feel the drift already, but i do. in fact, it just got worst. it turn even further for the worst when you celebrate my birthday. sorry, i can't break your heart but i really didn't enjoy my birthday. i really appreciate all your planning but when you ask me about what i remember the most on my birthday it had to be my fear of height with you ignoring that fact, puking badly after the "buffet" and on our ride inside the flyers where you said i'm not romantic at all with the sad face on you throughout the ride when you sit down beside me cause i can't bear to stand. maybe i think too much, but at least with what i seen with my eyes, it becomes a memory. the only thing i enjoy throughout, your company for the whole day.
if you realized, i didn't even blog about my b'day celebration much less have any photos, cause i didn't take any. i was too scare to even take photo with my phone.
i suppose i just want to focus on my exams before i even think even further all those worries clouding me. i wish my time to go to scotland will be here very very soon. maybe we need the time apart for you to realize what matters to you.
