to be honest, and always having the same reflections on myself, I'm really a very very bad friend. a bad person living honestly. with a very very bad personality that is not friendly enough, not likeable enough. i suppose i have been living like this, gotten thru it too often enough of being alone. to be honest, I'm always alone. hard to please. friends? i don't have lots. only those handful that can be counted with my hands and toes. pitiful much? kinda of? i have nothing to offer, nothing to keep them near me, not of worthy quality to keep in touch. people hates me and that's not a surprise to me at all. just a feeling of hurt that will be gone after much long of prolong observation on the individual. just feeling down again. seriously, the friend(s) that i have these days is just him. and when he's busy, it just becomes me alone. and it's just too often nowadays. off days are for me to feel emo, after work is for me to be emo too . during work, it's just pretense. life is just an acting stage putting on faces after faces as and when you're required to perform.
i think i have come to a point in time where my existence doesn't make a difference anymore. who knows, maybe the next time you see me, it might be just at the funeral. i don't believe in living anymore, and living minute by minute, even using work to avoid thinking. it's times like this, that i really wish that 2012 is the last year of earth. i really can't be bother with everything anymore. i really tried everything, already done my best, but it's still that bad.
guess i shall not write anymore. i just can't stop the tears from coming down anymore.
